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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24285061">Bittersweet Triumph</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann'>InsaneJuliann</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Evolution of Buddie [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Eddie Diaz Needs a Hug (9-1-1 TV), Family Issues, Homophobia, M/M, Pre-Relationship, brief appearance of Firefam, controlling parents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:48:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24285061</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneJuliann/pseuds/InsaneJuliann</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Eddie's parents drop by for an unexpected visit. </p><p>The only thing Eddie can think to do is damage control. Eventually they'd leave, right? Eventually, he could relax again.</p><p>But he's quickly reaching a breaking point, and he's not sure what'll be on the other side of it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Evolution of Buddie [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1730287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>212</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>1221</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Bittersweet Triumph</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Hooo boy. Okay.</p><p>Thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/tarialdarion">tarialdarion</a> for helping me work out some kinks with this chapter and being an awesome sounding board. She's not to blame for anything, this is all me, but she listened to me babble about this and offered some advice. </p><p>I tried to keep the tags accurate while still being good warnings. If you feel like maybe I should add something, let me know. I'd rather be cautious than not.</p><p>Title was because somehow the song Wasteland by X Ambassadors was stuck in my head for a majority of the time I was writing it, specifically one verse. While not all the lyrics fic, the mood kind of did, so I took two words from said verse stuck in my head and used them for this. I think it too fits the mood.</p><p>Alright. You ready? </p><p>Enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie shut the front door behind his parents. They hadn’t moved far down the hall, so when Eddie slowly turned away from the door they were right there.</p><p>His mom was looking around, eyes sharp. His dad was frowning at him.</p><p>“I didn’t know you guys were going to be in town,” Eddie finally said, fighting the urge to cross his arms. He was just in workout shorts and an old tank, what he’d worn to bed, not thinking he’d have any reason to get dressed yet this morning. It made him feel – even more wrong-footed.</p><p>(Vulnerable, it made him feel vulnerable. Like he had no protective gear in a dangerous fire.)</p><p>“It was a surprise,” his mom said, glancing at him. Her lips pursed a bit. “Stop frowning, Eddie. Aren’t you happy to see us?”</p><p>No. He wasn’t.</p><p>He bit the side of his tongue.</p><p>“I’m not really set up to host anyone right now, Mom-“</p><p>“I can tell.”</p><p>His mouth clicked shut and he swallowed. Eddie took a deep breath through his nose and let it out quietly. “This isn’t a great time,” he said as calmly as he could. “I have work the next few days, and Chris goes back to school after the weekend-“</p><p>“Ah yes. It’ll be good to see what kind of school you’ve put him in.”</p><p>“Mom,” he sighed.</p><p>“Watch your tone, Edmundo,” his dad warned.</p><p>Eddie bit his tongue again. “I’m sorry, Mom,” he managed to nearly grind out. “I’m just – if you had let me know you were going to come by, we would have had things set up better.” His guest room was, honestly, more storage than anything. He could already hear all his mom would have to say about it. The bed wasn’t even set up.</p><p>“Maybe Abuela could-“</p><p>“I’m hardly going to impose on my mother,” Ramon scolded. “She doesn’t need the stress of entertaining us.”</p><p><em>And I do?</em> Eddie wanted to ask.</p><p>“Marisol and Vic –“</p><p>Chris appeared, lighting up when he saw Eddie’s parents. “Abuela! Abuelo!” He walked closer, smile not dimming one bit. “What are you doing here?” he laughed.</p><p>Eddie opened his mouth, but before he could get a word out his mom was sweeping Chris up in her arms and kissing his head. “We came to visit. We’ll be staying with you and your daddy for a few weeks, isn’t that great!”</p><p>Eddie rubbed his hand over his face, shoulders slumping.</p><p>“Edmundo, shouldn’t you be getting dressed properly?” Ramon asked pointedly. “We came here straight from the airport this morning, we’d like to go out for breakfast.”</p><p>“Chris and I already ate,” Eddie said.</p><p>“Probably not anything good,” Helena tutted, walking into the kitchen and looking around with a nose scrunched. “Did you make sure to give him fruit, Eddie? He has to have five servings of fruits and vegetables a day, you can’t afford to forget.”</p><p>“We’ll make sure he gets a proper breakfast when we go out,” Ramon assured her. His hand was heavy on Eddie’s shoulder. “Hurry up, so we can get going.”</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes for a few long seconds before stepping out of his dad’s touch and heading down the hall. He shut the door to his room carefully, walked up to his bed, and threw a pillow across the room as hard as he could.</p><p>It didn’t help.</p><p>He dropped onto the edge of the bed, head in his hands. Fucking – a few <em>weeks?</em> Why? Eddie had thought they’d gotten the message that he and Chris were happy here in LA after Shannon died. He knew they hadn’t liked it, and he hadn’t expected them to give up pushing, but – this?</p><p>Sighing heavily, Eddie grabbed his phone. He better let Buck know their plans were off.</p><p>He was just pulling his shirt on when Buck texted back, asking if everything was alright.</p><p>Eddie stared at the conversation for what felt like some very long minutes. ‘<strong>Fine. Something came up is all.</strong>’</p><p>‘<strong>Anything I can help with?</strong>’</p><p>Eddie let out a strangled laugh. He thought of Buck letting himself into the house, and the way his parents would react to that. To someone ‘not family’ just coming and going as they pleased – that was how his mom would phrase it, or close enough. He thought of Buck, bright smiles and softness and how he was so <em>starved</em> for approval sometimes – and of his mom’s judgement and his dad’s sternness and –</p><p>
  <em>No.</em>
</p><p>Eddie’s throat was tight with – panic, the feeling like when he was about to run into danger. No way was he letting his parents near Buck. No.</p><p><strong>‘No. Thanks.</strong>’</p><p>He slipped his phone into his pocket, grabbed his wallet, and tried to steel himself for what was coming.</p><p>It was going to be a long day.</p><p> </p><p>Eddie was, frankly, exhausted. He’d forgotten about the guest room until late in the evening, when his mom was tutting over the fact that he ‘made’ abuela cook him meals to freeze and store. His dad had apparently decided to go into the guest room himself, and came into the kitchen to ask if Helena had seen the state of the room.</p><p>There’d been no point in trying to defend himself for not having it set up. Despite the fact that he rarely had company over that used it (besides Buck, and Buck always just slept on the couch – well, almost always), he should have had fitted the bed with sheets and pillows ages ago.</p><p>Eddie had been sent to wash the dishes, while his parents did Chris’ bedtime routine. He heard his mom’s disapproval of their nighttime book, instead offering to read Chris a few of the picture books he had in his room from when he was younger. Chris agreed to the change easily enough; Eddie knew it was only because he was excited to see his grandparents, but still. It felt like more ammunition for his parents to use against him.</p><p>He'd all but fallen into bed, barely remembering to plug his phone in. He had a few messages – from Karen, from Pepa, from Buck – but he just didn’t have the energy for them.</p><p>It felt like he’d gotten no sleep by the time he woke up in the morning.</p><p>Helena was cooking breakfast, of course, and as soon as she saw Eddie, she was saying, “You barely have anything good in your fridge, Eddie.”</p><p>“I was supposed to get groceries yesterday,” he said evenly. “I forgot, what with the surprise and all.”</p><p>She gave him a sharp look. “Don’t blame us for your mistakes.”</p><p>“I’m not, I just-“</p><p>“I’ll go out, make sure you actually have a properly stocked kitchen for once.”</p><p>“My kitchen is just fine,” Eddie said tightly. He felt prickly, and he knew it was because, well... Buck usually did the shopping with him.</p><p>She hummed, skeptical, not even looking at him. Eddie dropped his head back and took a deep breath. “Where’s Dad?”</p><p>“He’s helping Chris get ready.”</p><p>Eddie wasn’t how that was going to go down – Chris was so independent, liked doing things himself, but he was so excited to see Eddie’s parents he probably would tolerate it for now.</p><p>The morning didn’t improve. Eddie was half dressed, hair still dripping wet, unshaved, and trying to handle his mom’s fussing over the fact that he didn’t have any cups or glasses with lids for Chris. His dad was in the living room, with a cup of coffee, watching the news with the volume turned up.</p><p>So Eddie didn’t hear the knock at the door, or it opening after a bit, or Carla coming down the hall.</p><p>“Oh, full house huh baby?”</p><p>Eddie’s head snapped over so fast it almost hurt. He wasn’t sure just what look was on his face, but Carla looked at him, and behind him, and pasted on a flawless, professional smile.</p><p>“Hi, I’m Carla,” she said.</p><p>“The aide.”</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes.</p><p>Carla, the goddamn saint that she was, didn’t even blink. “Yes Ma’am. I take it you’re Eddie’s mother?”</p><p>“Yes.” She turned her look on Eddie. “Why is she here, Eddie?”</p><p>Eddie shot Carla an apologetic look. “I forgot to text, let you know you didn’t need to come in today. I’m so sorry.”</p><p>“Oh, it’s fine.” She smiled at him gently. Her eyes were understanding, and Eddie wanted to just melt against her for a moment in gratitude. He didn’t, because his mom would take it the wrong way, and now his dad was coming into the kitchen, too.</p><p>She turned her smile – the professional one – onto his mother. “Well, since I’m already here anyway, how about Chris and I show you around LA?”</p><p>Chris lit up, nodding. Helena hummed, expression reluctant.</p><p>“I hardly think we need someone to come with us while we spend some time with our grandson,” Ramon said.</p><p>“Think of me as an extra pair of hands and a more helpful version of a GPS,” Carla said, bright and light, gently joking.</p><p>“Your help won’t be needed. You may go.”</p><p>“Dad,” Eddie snapped.</p><p>“Edmundo,” his mom scolded.</p><p>“I’m sorry to interrupt,” Carla cut in. “But Eddie, isn’t it getting late?”</p><p>Eddie glanced at the time on the microwave and hissed. “Yeah. Thanks Carla.”</p><p>“Eddie,” Helena said, following after him. “Really, we should talk about this. There’s no reason for that woman to be here-“</p><p>“Mom, it’s just for one day. She’s already here, and she can show you guys around-“</p><p>“I hardly need someone to <em>babysit</em> me,” his mom snapped. “We’re perfectly capable of taking care of Chris without her around.”</p><p>“I’m not saying you aren’t,” Eddie said, a touch desperate. “I’m just saying that-“</p><p>“Eddie,” his dad said, joining them in the hall. “I really don’t think Chris should be handling a knife, are you sure that woman is qualified-“</p><p>“She gave him a butter knife, probably, and he always uses one to cut his food on his own when it’s soft enough. He’s eating <em>waffles</em>.”</p><p>“She’s probably being lazy, not wanting to cut them up for-“</p><p>“Chris can cut them up fine!” Eddie snapped.</p><p>“Eddie!” His mom looked at him with wide, shocked eyes, like he’d done something more drastic than get a bit snappy.</p><p>So much for that fucking conversations book Karen had lent him, Eddie thought tiredly. It all went out the window the moment he had to talk to his parents.</p><p>“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have snapped. But Chris is <em>fine </em>with a butter knife – he’s nine Mom, not four anymore. Now, I really need to finish getting ready for work, so if you’ll excuse me.” He turned away before they could say anything, slipping into his room and shutting the door on them.</p><p>He felt like he barely managed to get out the door – and thank goodness for Carla, who was just smiling through all his mother’s fussing and gave him a reassuring nod as he paused to give Chris a quick hug and kiss.</p><p>“Be good, I’ll get home late tonight, so I’ll see you in the morning.”</p><p>“Okay Dad,” Chris said, squeezing him back in their hug. “Be safe.”</p><p>“Always, mijo,” Eddie promised, before he was rushing out the door with barely a ‘bye’ tossed behind him for the rest of them.</p><p>He was late getting to the station.</p><p>Eddie jogged in, already looking for Bobby so he could apologize. He stepped out from behind one of the engines, and Eddie went straight for him.</p><p>“I am so sorry,” he said quickly. “This morning was crazy, and you know how traffic is, and –“</p><p>Bobby held up a hand. “Eddie. Eddie, it’s alright. Things happen. You’ve never been late before, I think we can let this one time slide, alright?” He smiled, but there was a pinch between his brows. “Is everything at home okay? Do you need the day, or-“</p><p>“No,” Eddie said quickly. “No, it’s fine, just – had a hard time getting out of the house on time.” He stepped back.</p><p>Bobby watched for a moment before nodding slowly. “Okay.”</p><p>Chim tried joking about reasons why Eddie might be late, when Eddie eventually got upstairs to see everyone else eating breakfast. Eddie shot him a dark look, which shut him up fast enough Eddie felt kind of guilty. Just because he was having a rough time didn’t mean he should be giving his teammates a bad one.</p><p>“Everything okay?” Hen asked carefully a few moments after Eddie sat at the table, ignoring all their looks and focusing on his food.</p><p>“Fine.” It was not fine. But it was just – it was personal. It was something Eddie didn’t know if the others could really understand. (It would mean telling them about how his parents didn’t think Eddie was a good father, why they’d think that, and Eddie just… couldn’t.)</p><p>He stayed quiet for the rest of the meal, through the start of the chores and the first two calls of the day. He spoke when he had to, but didn’t engage in the rest of the chatter. He kept wondering how things were going, if his parents had convinced Carla to leave, if they were snooping around his house when he wasn’t there, if Chris was at least having a good time with them. Fuck, he hoped that at least Chris was happy they were visiting.</p><p>They actually managed to eat lunch without interruptions; Eddie had changed for a workout, but stalled out as soon as he entered the gym and instead was just sitting on one of the benches, staring ahead of himself blankly.</p><p>He saw Buck walk over from the corner of his eye. He was sure Buck was going to ask, going to lightly push, because that was what they did – and normally Eddie didn’t mind. But he felt like he was going to snap at the next person who questioned him or looked at him like he was a time bomb.</p><p>Eddie glanced at him, just barely tilting his head. Buck hesitated, eyes soft and worried, looking Eddie over quickly.</p><p>He swore he could see Buck change gears.</p><p>Buck crouched down next to the bench, a hand sliding over Eddie’s neck. Buck’s hand was warm, but not heavy, and he leaned in close enough their foreheads were almost touching. Eddie practically swayed towards him before stopping himself.</p><p>“You’ll tell me if there’s some way I can help with whatever’s going on?”</p><p>Eddie mustered up a thin smile. “If I can think of a way for you to help, yeah, I’ll tell you.”</p><p>Buck’s brows furrowed, just a bit and just for a moment, before he nodded and leaned back. “Okay,” he said quietly, and walked out, leaving Eddie slumped forward and measuring his breaths in the gym.</p><p>It seemed impossible that just the other day, Eddie had been thinking of telling Buck everything. It felt so far away, so impossible, now.</p><p>Buck didn’t ask again, the next few days. Eddie was aware, in a sort of distant way, that Buck was playing interference for him, stopping others from bothering him or deflecting when someone made a comment about Eddie’s bad mood. He knew Bobby was watching him too, concern all but radiating from him. Hen and Chim showed it too, in their own ways, with Chimney trying to distract Eddie and cheer him up, and Hen just sitting nearby quietly with him sometimes.</p><p>Eddie cancelled Chris’ sleepover with Denny. He told Chris it was because they had guests, and he could stay at Denny’s when Eddie’s parents had gone home (and the awful, terrified little voice inside Eddie wondered if they ever would, or if they’d take Chris back with them, and Eddie was making an empty promise). To Karen, Eddie just said that they were busy and apologized. Hen must have also said something, because Karen only told him to let her know if she could help, and to take care of himself.</p><p>Eddie wasn’t sure he deserved the friends he had, at that moment, but fuck was he grateful for them.</p><p>Buck never asked to come over. By Friday, Chris had definitely noticed the lack of Buck around, and when Eddie came home without Buck in tow – fuck, Buck hadn’t even <em>asked</em> he’d just seemed to know that nothing had changed and Eddie needed him to stay away still – things boiled over.</p><p>“Where’s Bucky?” Chris demanded, scowling.</p><p>Eddie was exhausted, from the past few days, from a couple rough calls that day, and from the tantrum he just knew was coming. “I’m sorry, Chris, but he’s not-“</p><p>“No! No, it’s Movie Night, Buck <em>always</em> comes!”</p><p>“I know he does, mijo, but hey, you have your abuela and abuelo to watch with tonight.”</p><p>“No!” Chris’ face was scrunching up and turning red. “I want my Buck!”</p><p>“Who is <em>Buck?</em>” Helena asked, nose scrunching. “Christopher has been mentioning him a lot.”</p><p>Oh, and like Eddie was supposed to believe that she hadn’t interrogated Chris to find out all about him, huh?</p><p>“He’s a friend, another firefighter.”</p><p>Of course Ramon came over too, patting Chris on the head. His eyes were on Eddie though. “It sounded like he has spent a lot of time here.”</p><p>“I guess,” Eddie said, not wanting to admit it but not seeing a way around it that wouldn’t be a lie they’d catch. “Like Chris said, he usually comes over on Fridays for movies, but,” and Eddie turned his attention back to Chris, crouching down, “Since we have visitors, we have to be good hosts, right Chris?”</p><p>Chris sniffled, frowning. “I want Buck.”</p><p>“You’ll see him soon,” Eddie promised – and he knew Chris was going to bring it up every day now, fuck. “How about you make a card for him and I’ll give it to him at work next shift, yeah?”</p><p>“Can I all him? At bedtime?” Chris asked.</p><p>Eddie hesitated, feeling his parents’ stares burning into his head. “Maybe-“</p><p>“That doesn’t seem necessary, Eddie,” Helena cut in. “Really, he shouldn’t be watching TV before bed, either. Too much screentime, not enough parenting. Having him on the phone before he’s supposed to be sleeping is just going to work him up.’</p><p>He closed his eyes, taking a breath, and stood. “Mom, a few minutes on the phone is not going to hurt anyone.”</p><p>“I just don’t think Chris needs to talk to him-“</p><p>“He’s my Buck,” Chris interrupted her, jaw set and bottom lip pouting. “He’s my best friend and I miss him.”</p><p>Helena looked at Eddie in disbelief. “You see nothing wrong with a grown man being this – <em>attached</em> to your son?”</p><p>Eddie stilled. “No, no I don’t. Why would I?”</p><p>“Does he watch Chris when you’re not around?” Helena asked, sharp and quick. “Are you sure he’s safe?”</p><p>“Sure he’s –“ Eddie started in disbelief, eyes wide.</p><p>“Buck’s a hero!” Chris said brightly from between them. Eddie’s eyes went a bit wider, realizing Chris was going to say – “He saved me!”</p><p>“Saved you?” Ramon interrupted. “What would he need to save you from?”</p><p>“Chris,” Eddie tried, but Chris was already telling them about the tsunami, how Buck had saved him from the water and then saved even more people.</p><p>Eddie’s parents were staring, furious. Helena clamped Chris close to her, making him squirm. “Oh you poor thing, poor baby, you must have been so scared,” she murmured, stroking a hand over and over his hair. She looked near tears.</p><p>For a moment, Eddie felt guilty. He hadn’t told his parents about what happened, because he didn’t want them to come out and try to get them to leave, again. He had just dealt with them doing that after Shannon’s death. He’d told himself it was not to worry them, but he knew that had only been part of the reason he’d kept quiet.</p><p>“I wasn’t scared, until I lost Buck. That was a little scary, but I just kept swimming, like Dory.” Chris’s smile was sweet, and Eddie was glad that Chris, while still plagued by the occasional nightmare, had healed so much since then.</p><p>He’d always seemed able to talk about the parts with Buck though. Because to him, those had been less scary.</p><p>“Lost Buck?” Ramon snapped. He looked at Eddie, glaring. “That man <em>lost</em> Christopher in a <em>tsunami?</em>”</p><p>Eddie rubbed his forehead. “Let’s not talk about this now-“</p><p>“Christopher, sweetheart, go pick some stories for before bed please.”</p><p>Chris frowned, looking between them all. Eddie was sure he was picking up on the tension. “But… it’s movie night.”</p><p>“Not tonight.”</p><p>“But Abuela-!’</p><p>“Chris,” Eddie cut in tiredly. “I’ll make it up to you, okay? But not tonight.”</p><p>Chris scowled, slamming his crutches down extra hard as he went down the hall to his room.</p><p>Eddie followed his parents, reluctantly, into the kitchen.</p><p>“Why is this the first time we’re hearing about this Eddie!” his mom snapped. “You lied, you told us everything has been okay –“</p><p>“It has been. It was a natural disaster,” Eddie said, leaning against the counter, arms cross. “Things were rough for a bit, but we got through-“</p><p>“Did that man <em>lose</em> Christopher?”</p><p>Eddie ground his teeth. “He saved Chris. He saved a lot of people. It’s not Buck’s fault that when the water started to recede Chris fell and they got separated-“</p><p>His father swore viciously. “And you let that man be around him still? Why weren’t you there, too?”</p><p>“I was working. Buck wasn’t, that day, so I had him watch Chris, and they-“</p><p>“How often do you leave a stranger watching your son, Eddie?” his mother demanded. “First it’s this Carla woman, and now this man?”</p><p>“They are not strangers,” Eddie said, voice tight. “I told you, Buck’s not only on my team, but he’s my friend.”</p><p>“Maybe he shouldn’t be!” Helena snapped. “He’s lost your son and put him in danger! And Chris is unusually attached to him, that’s not –“</p><p>“Not what?” Eddie snapped, shoving upright and taking a step closer. “What are you trying to say, Mom?”</p><p>She of course ignored him, not answering his question.</p><p>“A grown man shouldn’t be best friends with a child,” she insisted. “It’s strange and worrying. He needs family, not strangers-“</p><p>“Buck is not a stranger!” Eddie snapped. “He’s as good as family, he’s <em>my</em> family!”</p><p>“No, we are!” she said, loud and angry. “We are your family, Edmundo, and you have no right to keep us from seeing Christopher because you don’t like what we have to say about your lack of parenting! You came here chasing after that woman, and she died and you still stayed here! And who spends time with your son? Strangers! We have been here since Tuesday, and you’ve worked all but one of those days! You’re still hardly around to raise your son properly, to be a father-“</p><p>“Stop it!” Eddie snapped, face flushed and a rushing in his ears. “Stop trying to say I’m some awful dad to Chris because I work. I have great help for when I’m not here, and I have got him in a good school – he just went to a summer camp for two weeks and-“</p><p>“Summer camp?!” Helena threw her hands in the air. “Anything could have happened, Eddie! First a tsunami, now camp – what’s next, leaving him home alone?! How could you be so <em>reckless</em> with your only son!”</p><p>“I am not being reckless!” Eddie snarled, fists clenching. “Just because I don’t baby Christopher like you do-“</p><p>“Edmundo Diaz, apologize to your mother!” Ramon snapped, voice raising.</p><p>Eddie’s jaw clenched and he glared over at his dad, who just glared right back, almost in Eddie’s face.</p><p>“Is this the kind of example you set for your son?” Helena asked, voice low, sharp with disappointment. It felt vicious.</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes. For a moment, they burned. If it had been anyone else, anyone – he would have spat a fuck you and walked away. He would have kicked them out of the house and locked all the doors.</p><p>But it was his parents.</p><p>“I’m going to bed,” he said stiffly. “Good night.”</p><p>“Edmundo,” his father said sharply, stepping in Eddie’s way. “You <em>will</em> apologize to your mother.”</p><p>Eddie ground his teeth. Sparing half a glance over his shoulder, not even looking at her, he managed to spit out, “Sorry,” before shoving past his dad. He slammed the door to his room, slumped back against the door, and pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p><em>Fuck</em>.</p><p>Eddie’s throat hurt, a sharp pain that he knew went with the burning in his eyes. He could barely swallow, and he refused to open his mouth because as soon as he did he knew he’d be making noise. And he couldn’t, not then.</p><p>Fuck, he wished – he wanted Buck. It hurt to think, to admit, but it was true. Eddie wanted to call Buck, hear him say soft and kind things, reassure him that he wasn’t a bad son, a bad father.</p><p>But, if he called Buck, if he let Buck hear how upset he was… nothing he did or said would stop Buck from coming over at that point, whether or not Eddie wanted him to. Buck would come, and let himself in, and –</p><p>Eddie couldn’t let his parents attack Buck, say all that shit to Buck about him not being good for Chris, being dangerous and irresponsible. Eddie knew Buck still beat himself up more often than not for what had happened during the tsunami. He knew Buck probably wouldn’t ever not blame himself for it. He didn’t want anyone else <em>solidifying</em> that idea in Buck’s head, didn’t want Buck hurting fresh and anew for it.</p><p>He didn’t want his parents to see how much <em>he</em> needed Buck. How much Eddie actually relied on Buck.</p><p>He couldn’t chance his parents seeing how fucking – how much Eddie –</p><p>No.</p><p>So Eddie didn’t grab his phone. He didn’t text or call Buck like he wanted, didn’t reach out to any of his other friends because he was sure they’d tell Buck.</p><p>And Buck would immediately come over.</p><p>He could hear his parents’ low voices in the hallway. Heard footsteps farther down, towards Chris room, and heard them come back after only a moment. Fuck. Chris. Eddie hoped that meant he’d fallen asleep, not heard the raised voices. He almost slammed his head back into his own door, but stopped himself.</p><p>It was an endless-feeling stretch of time after all the noise had vanished from the house that Eddie dragged himself off the floor. He stripped out of his clothes, barely having the energy to pull the blanket over himself.</p><p>He wasn’t sure how much longer he’d be able to take his parents’ visit. Not if something didn’t give soon – Eddie just worried it might be <em>him</em>.</p><p> </p><p>Chris was up earlier than usual the next morning. Eddie roused just enough to lift the blankets for Chris, who curled up against him silently, tucking his head under Eddie’s chin.</p><p>“Okay?” Eddie mumbled, barely able to keep his eyes open. While Chris had apparently fallen asleep early the previous night, Eddie hadn’t slept well, waking up restlessly every hour or so.</p><p>Chris nodded silently. Eddie lifted a hand to run through Chris’ curls for a little while, rousing a bit more. It could be that he’d just woken up early and was still sleepy enough to fall back asleep – though that was pretty rare these days. Likely, he’d had a nightmare, Eddie figured.</p><p>But if Chris didn’t want to talk about it, and wasn’t too upset, Eddie didn’t want to push.</p><p>He pressed a kiss to Chris’ hair. “Love you, kid.”</p><p>“I love you too Dad,” Chris said back, quiet, wiggling himself even closer. Eddie smiled, letting his eyes fall shut again.</p><p>He didn’t really sleep, mostly just dozed. He dragged his eyes open when Chris leaned over him to grab Eddie’s phone and grabbed Eddie’s hand to try to use his thumb to open it.</p><p>A smile twitched across his lips – that was all Buck right there, Eddie was sure of it.</p><p>“I wanna play my game,” Chris said when Eddie pulled his hand away, eyes barely open.</p><p>Eddie hummed, pressing his thumb into place, and hummed again when Chris thanked him. He drifted back off to the sound of the cheerful music of the matching game Chris liked.</p><p>For a while, Chris was a warm, familiar weight against Eddie’s side.</p><p>“Christopher, come for breakfast.”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>Eddie dragged himself awake, lifting up on an elbow and peering at Chris worriedly. His mom was in the doorway, very pointedly doing her best not to look at Eddie at all.</p><p>“You have to eat,” she said.</p><p>“No.” Chris slumped down more against the pillows, frown on his face.</p><p>“You’re not hungry?” he asked.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Does your tummy hurt?”</p><p>Chris shook his head, holding the phone closer to his face.</p><p>“Christopher, put the phone down. You shouldn’t even have one.”</p><p>“It’s Dad’s phone,” Chris said grumpily.</p><p>“You shouldn’t be playing on it. Put it down and come eat.”</p><p>“I said no!” Chris’ voice was edging into angry tantrum, and Eddie felt a headache coming on.</p><p>It was going to be one of those days.</p><p>“Okay Chris,” he said as soothingly as he could. He refused to wince when his mom shut his door loudly, not quite a slam but close enough. He sat up, gathering Chris up in his arms, against his chest. “We’ll just be lazy this morning, okay? Lazy Saturday.”</p><p>Chris pressed against him, still with the phone in his hand. It’d gone dark, but he was turning it around between his hands.</p><p>“Dad?”</p><p>“Yeah?”</p><p>“Why’s Buck not come to see me?”</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes. “Chris, he’s not – it’s not you, mijito, I promise. It’s cause Abuela and Abuelo are visiting – they’re only here sometimes, so they want all the time with you they can get. Buck gets to see you all the time.”</p><p>“But I miss him. I want to see Buck.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Chris,” Eddie said, grimacing. “We’ll call him tonight, okay?”</p><p>“You promise?” Chris leaned back enough to peer at him, looking uncertain.</p><p>“I promise.” He wasn’t sure what Buck was up to, but he rarely didn’t answer when Eddie called, and probably would love to talk to Chris just as much as Chris would to talk to him.</p><p>They stayed in Eddie’s bed for another half hour or so before Chris’ stomach growled. Eddie got up, saying they should probably eat before Chris’ stomach got too angry. Eddie pulled on some clothes and ran a hand over his hair quickly to take care of any bedhead – hopefully.</p><p>Chris insisted on Eddie carrying him, so Eddie picked him up. He wasn’t going to be able to do this soon, he realized. It was a bittersweet thought – he was growing up so fast. Chris settled his head on Eddie’s shoulder, keeping silent all the way down the hall.</p><p>Helena was in the kitchen, going through Eddie’s cupboards and throwing things away. Eddie was willing to bet only some of it was expired or stale – most of it was probably food she considered bad for them, too much sugar or whatever.</p><p>“Hey, those are Buck’s cookies!” Chris said angrily, squirming. Eddie decided <em>not</em> to put him down. “Abuela, you can’t throw away someone else’s stuff, that’s not nice!”</p><p>“Christopher, these things are not good for you – far too much sugar.”</p><p>“They’re not for <em>me</em>, they’re for my <em>Buck</em>. Put them back.” He squirmed again. “Dad, put me down.”</p><p>“Chris, it’s okay,” he said quietly. “It’s fine, we’ll get Buck more cookies later.”</p><p>He didn’t miss the dirty look his mom shot him. Chris settled, but he was sulking and grumpy again.</p><p>Eddie had a feeling all of this wasn’t because of a nightmare – it was because of the other night, when not only had Buck not come over like usual, but Chris hadn’t gotten his usual, fun movie night. Sighing, Eddie went over to the cupboard with their plates and bowls, taking down two and placing them on the counter.</p><p>“Grab some spoons, Chris,” Eddie asked, and Chris leaned down to pull open the drawer with them while Eddie grabbed the frosted flakes from their cupboard. He filled their bowls, stopping when Chris said ‘when’ with a giggle. Eddie smiled, setting Chris on his feet finally and putting his bowl in his hands. Chris took it to the table, and Eddie grabbed the milk to put in Chris’ bowl, then his own, before joining him.</p><p>His mom didn’t say a word the entire time.</p><p>That was basically how the entire day went. His parents barely spoke to him, and when they did it was always some <em>comment</em>. Look at all this trash food in his kitchen. The yard looked very unkempt, if Eddie had the money for a fancy school and a home aid, surely he had enough to pay for someone to take care of it? Did he just let Christopher act up like that all the time? Clearly he had no idea how to discipline his own son.</p><p>Eddie almost snapped at that one.</p><p>But it wouldn’t be worth it. Because when he did, it’d just be another mark against him, another sign that he wasn’t good for his son.</p><p>Chris was being pretty snappish and rude, too, which didn’t help. He ignored both Eddie’s parents most of the day, and he slapped at Helena’s hands when she tried to pick him up to go ‘get some fresh air – as fresh as it can be in this city’. He refused to change out of his pajamas, no matter how much Ramon tried to talk to him about it.</p><p>He only ate lunch and dinner when Eddie talked to him, crouching down near his chair and talking to him seriously about how it was important to give his body food cause he was still growing, and it would make him not feel good if he didn’t eat.</p><p>“I’m not <em>hungry</em>,” Chris kept insisting, until his stomach growled and Eddie finally convinced him to eat most of his plate, at least.</p><p>“You have to eat your veggies, Chris,” Helena tried at dinner, watching Chris push the broccoli around.</p><p>Chris gave her an impressively sullen look. “You didn’t make them right. Buck makes them better.”</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes, but his mom was still giving him an accusing look when he opened them, as if he was behind Chris’ attitude.</p><p>Chris threw a fit when they tried putting him to bed, face red and tears streaming down as he screamed and shouted that he didn’t want to, he wasn’t tired, he hated that book, he hated those pajamas, he hated them all and he wanted his Buck.</p><p>“You think this Buck is good for him still?” Ramon snapped as he left the room.</p><p>Eddie closed the door. He took a moment, taking a deep breath, before smiling sadly at Chris as he turned around.</p><p>“You know yelling like that doesn’t make things better, Chris,” he said gently, picking him up off the floor, half dressed in pajamas, and settling on the bed with him. “You hurt Abuela’s and Abuelo’s feelings, it’s not nice.”</p><p>“I don’t care,” Chris insisted, voice thick with tears. He sniffled noisily.</p><p>Eddie sighed. He pressed a kiss to the side of Chris’ hair. “You say that now, but you love them, and they love you.”</p><p>“No, I hate them.” His voice wobbled and he grabbed tight to Eddie’s shirt. “I want them to leave.”</p><p>“They’ll go back home soon,” Eddie said, stroking up and down Chris’ back soothingly. After a few minutes, when he thought Chris had calmed down more, he said, “Why don’t we try calling your Buck now, okay?”</p><p>Chris sniffed sharply, but nodded his head, sitting up and rubbing hard at his face. Eddie shifted to pull his phone out of his back pocket, pulling up Buck’s number and starting a FaceTime call. He settled back, letting Chris hold the phone.</p><p>It rang.</p><p>By the time it hit the fifth ring, Eddie was frowning.</p><p>Buck didn’t answer.</p><p>Chris immediately started crying again, great heaving sobs. Eddie grabbed him close quickly, setting the phone aside and murmuring soothing nonsense to him.</p><p>“Bu-Buck doesn’t wanna s-see me!”</p><p>“No! No, Chris, mijito, no!” Eddie cupped Chris’ face in his hands, swiping his thumbs over his cheeks. “Why do you think that?”</p><p>“H-he’s not come h-h-home an-and he d-d-didn’t <em>answer!”</em></p><p>“He might be busy, or maybe he already went to bed-“</p><p>“No! B-Buck <em>always</em> answers!”</p><p>Which was very nearly true. Eddie frowned, wiping away more tears. “I promise you Chris, okay, I swear to you, Buck misses you so much. He wants to see you, he loves you. Okay? It’s okay, Chris, your Buck loves you more than anything else in the whole world.”</p><p>Chris just kept crying, though not as loudly, into Eddie’s shoulder.</p><p>After a few minutes, Eddie managed to stand up, carrying Chris down the hall to his bedroom. He shut the door, even flipped the lock, and settled into his bed with his son.</p><p>Chris cried himself out, straight to sleep.</p><p>Eddie held him the whole time, head pounding, heart hurting, and feeling like the biggest fucking failure.</p><p> </p><p>Sunday morning, while his parents were at church, Eddie took Chris out of the house and to the library.</p><p>He left his phone behind at home, so if his parents tried to call him, he could have a reason for not answering.</p><p>After spending some time in the library, picking random picture books off the shelves or displays to read, they went to have lunch. Chris was still pretty subdued, but he was smiling more than the other day and eating fine, so Eddie decided to call it a win. He took Chris to the park after lunch, leaning back on a bench and watching as Chris played.</p><p>It was almost four by the time they went back home.</p><p>“Where have you been!” his mom said as soon as they were in the door, grabbing his arm and frowning worriedly. “We came back and you were gone, you didn’t answer your phone-“</p><p>“Sorry,” Eddie said. “I forgot it.”</p><p>“Sure you did,” she snapped, worry replaced with anger now. “You’re being childish.”</p><p>Eddie sighed. “Look, we went to the library and park, had lunch. If we don’t hurry up, we’ll be late for dinner at Abuela’s.”</p><p>“And whose fault will that be, hm?”</p><p>Eddie didn’t respond, just set Chris down and nudged him towards his room. “Go put on something clean, okay?”</p><p>“Okay Dad.”</p><p>“Edmundo, don’t ignore me.”</p><p>“I’m not ignoring you,” he sighed. “Chris just needed to go out and do something fun today, okay?”</p><p>“You’re rewarding him for his bad behavior yesterday. No wonder he’s acting out when you just let him get away with it.”</p><p>“Mom-“</p><p>“And you just left your father and I here without any warning!” She shook her head. “We come all this way to visit, and you act like this.”</p><p>Eddie didn’t have the energy for this. He just – he didn’t. He’d hoped spending the day away from them would help, and in some ways it had, but – now he was back, facing it, and he felt the weight settle even more heavily on his shoulders.</p><p>“I need to go get ready,” he said quietly.</p><p>He slipped past her, noticing his dad in Chris room helping him put on his pants. Eddie shook his head a little before slipping into his room.</p><p>His phone showed dozens of notifications, and Eddie was sure most if not all were his mom. He cleared them all before putting it in his pocket and going to join the rest of his family. Helena was fussing with Chris’ hair, talking about how it was getting too long and needed a trim.</p><p>“I like it long,” Chris insisted. “I don’t want it shorter.”</p><p>Eddie sighed as his mom just ignored Chris, turning to Ramon to tell him that they should find a good barber tomorrow.</p><p>“I was thinking we could do it today,” she said, casting a look Eddie’s way. “So he would look nice for his first day of school tomorrow. Oh well.”</p><p>“Chris looks fine,” Eddie said quietly. He put a hand on Chris’ back, leaving it there for a moment. “Are we ready to go?”</p><p>“We were just waiting on you, Eddie,” Ramon said evenly.</p><p>Ramon drove their rental to Abuela’s, because he insisted on it and there was no good reason for Eddie to argue against it. Eddie sat in the back, with Chris, who stared out the window the entire time.</p><p>There were already half a dozen cars outside of Abuela’s. Eddie took a deep breath, steeling himself, before following after his parents. His dad had picked Chris up; Chris looked annoyed, but at least he wasn’t kicking or hitting this time.</p><p>Pepa opened the door. She smiled and hugged her brother with one arm, did the same with Helena, and let them walk by her into the house while she stared at Eddie.</p><p>He smiled. He knew it wasn’t a great smile, especially because Pepa sighed and pulled him into a full body hug.</p><p>“Estará bien, sobrino. Estamos todos aquí por ti.”</p><p>“Gracias, Tía.”</p><p>She stepped back, cupping his face in her hands for a moment before letting him go.</p><p>Eddie went inside, forcing a smile to his face. A few more of his aunts and uncles were there, some cousins. Not everyone, not as many as Pepa’s party, but most of them. The house already felt crowded.</p><p>He headed for the kitchen.</p><p>Sure enough, Abuela was there, hugging Chris against her side, smiling at Ramon and Helena.</p><p>“Ah, Eddito,” she said, beaming at him. He went over, let her pull him down for a hug and kiss his cheek. “I was just telling your parents about the great job you did on my porch.”</p><p>Eddie had a moment of panic – but Abuela gave a slight nod, and he relaxed.</p><p>She hadn’t mentioned Buck.</p><p>“It was no trouble,” he said.</p><p>“Did you seal the paint properly?” Ramon asked skeptically. “You didn’t get the cheap stuff?”</p><p>Abuela narrowed her eyes. “Ramón, basta.”</p><p>Thankfully, Eddie’s dad let it go, clearly not wanting to get in an argument. He stepped over to where Helena was talking to one of Eddie’s cousins.</p><p>Abuela shook her head. Her eyes came back to Eddie, looking him over critically. “Ah, mi nieto.” She looked down at Chris, smiling gently. “Your dad has been very busy, hm?”</p><p>Chris shrugged, looking around at everyone.</p><p>“Your cousins are outside, if you want to go play with them.”</p><p>“No, thank you, bisabuela,” Chris said very politely, shifting over to latch onto Eddie’s side. Eddie smiled at Abuela, shrugging a bit.</p><p>“It’s been a – bit rough the past few days.”</p><p>“Mm.” Her expression said more than even that short hum of sound. “And has my son and his wife said when they plan on leaving?”</p><p>“Not really,” Eddie muttered.</p><p>She shook her head. “I will try to find out for you.”</p><p>“Gracias, Abuela,” Eddie said in relief. If Abuela could get an actual date from his parents, at least Eddie would have an idea of when to start looking for a light at the end of this damned endless tunnel.</p><p>Chris stuck to him like glue as he walked around, smiling and talking like he wasn’t feeling about as strong as wet tissue paper at the moment. He found Marisol and Vic in the living room, talking to Yareli and cooing over the new baby.</p><p>He was more than happy to join them, helping Chris sit on the couch and hold the months-old baby in his arms. Chris’ face lit up, and he started talking to the baby about fun stuff he could do when he was older, like go to the park or the zoo.</p><p>“Do you still want to be a vet, Chris,” Marisol asked.</p><p>“Maybe,” Chris said, not particularly interested. “I think I might miss my dad and my Buck too much.”</p><p>“Ah, by then, you might not mind it,” Eddie said, reaching out to ruffle Chris’ hair. “And you’ll always be back for Christmas, remember?”</p><p>Chris just shrugged. “I think I want Bucky to teach me to cook, and I’ll open a pancake restaurant.”</p><p>That was new. Eddie raised his brows, smiling and huffing a laugh. He exchanged a look with Marisol, shrugging.</p><p>“Are Buck’s pancakes that good?” she asked. Chris nodded enthusiastically. He looked back down at the baby and said, “Can I get up now?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie chuckled. “Here.” He picked him up, settling him in his arms comfortably enough.</p><p>Chris wiggled down from the couch, grabbing his crutches. “I’m gonna say hi to Lena.”</p><p>“Okay,” Eddie said, watching him head towards the kitchen, where one of Chris’ older cousins was helping with the food. Probably Chris was hoping for a snack.</p><p>He looked back down at the baby. “What’s his name, again?”</p><p>“Samuel,” Yareli said.</p><p>Eddie nodded, rocking the baby for a moment. He hadn’t had a chance to hold Chris for long when he was this small. Just the week or so until he’d had to go back after he was born. Eddie had taken every chance he could then, to hold him, as if it would make up for all the times he wouldn’t.</p><p>He’d missed so much of Chris’ childhood. So much lost time.</p><p>He swallowed, forcing a smile back on his face, and passed baby Samuel over to his mom. “He’s adorable.”</p><p>“Until he starts screaming,” Yareli laughed. “Then he’s all purple-red and a little menace.” She sounded entirely too fond for any of that to be taken even slightly seriously.</p><p>The door opened, two more of Eddie’s cousins coming in, and –</p><p>“Buck!” Chris shouted, going as fast as he could in that direction.</p><p>Eddie’s heart was racing.</p><p>“Hey!” Buck’s face broke into a grin and he crouched down, catching Chris up and lifting him in the air, holding him tightly. “Hey,” he repeated, quieter. “I missed you so much buddy.”</p><p>“I missed you too! We called but you didn’t answer!” Chris leaned back, frowning.</p><p>Eddie realized he’d walked over and stopped himself a few feet away.</p><p>“I saw, and I’m so sorry I missed your call buddy,” Buck said seriously, eyes moving over to catch Eddie’s for a moment before focusing back on Chris. “I was covering a shift for someone who got sick yesterday, and we were out on this real big call.”</p><p>“Everything okay?” Eddie asked.</p><p>Buck offered a forced half smile. “Car accident.”</p><p>It had been bad then.</p><p>Chris reached out, patting Buck’s cheek to get his attention. “Buck, Abuela threw your cookies away. I told her not to, but she didn’t listen to me.”</p><p>Buck frowned, focusing back on Chris. “Abuela threw my cookies out?”</p><p>Eddie sucked in a breath, not sure if he was going to explain or ridiculously try to deflect when Marisol approached, smiling. “It looks like everyone’s heading outside to eat. You three coming?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Eddie croaked, even though he felt rooted to the spot. His hands were shaking, he was pretty sure, but he didn’t dare lift them up to check.</p><p>Buck moved to set Chris down, but Chris just grabbed him tighter and mumbled, “No.”</p><p>Eddie glanced down when Buck shot him a confused, uncertain look.</p><p>“Alright, buddy, I got you. Let’s go get some food, yeah? Lot of people here tonight.”</p><p>“It’s cause abuela and abuelo are visiting,” Chris said, sighing. “And they live far away, so it’s special, so everyone has to say hi to be nice.”</p><p>Eddie watched Buck’s eyes shoot wide as he suddenly got it.</p><p>“Well of course,” Buck said, though he shot Eddie a look that had a lot of ‘what the fuck’ and ‘what is going on’ in it. “Got to show them you love them, right?”</p><p>Chris just shrugged.</p><p>Eddie shrugged helplessly at Buck’s unsure glance. He had no idea why Chris was so determined to be angry with them, aside from the whole inability to visit Buck and maybe frustration over how they babied him.</p><p>Eddie followed them outside, glancing around to find where his parents were, if they were watching. They were across the yard, talking with Yareli while Helena bounced Samuel in her arms and cooed over him.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Eddie startled, jerking back and letting out a breath. It was only Buck.</p><p>Buck’s eyes were serious, a little furrow between his brows as he stared at Eddie.</p><p>“You look beat, Eddie,” he said after a moment.</p><p>Eddie wanted to say he was. He wanted to sink against Buck and insist they go home, get some time together while they could, before Eddie’s parents descended again.</p><p>“Who is this?”</p><p>He closed his eyes for a moment. Opening them, he turned to his mom and said, “This is Buck. Buck, this is my mother, Helena.”</p><p>“Nice to meet you,” Buck said, shifting Chris a bit so he could free one hand.</p><p>“Careful you don’t drop him,” Helena said, raising her brows. She did not shake Buck’s hand.</p><p>“Why are you here?” Ramon asked, putting a hand on Helena’s shoulder. “This is supposed to be a family dinner.”</p><p>“Dad,” Eddie said, voice sharpening.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I know you consider him a friend, but that doesn’t mean he can come to family events, Edmundo,” Ramon said.</p><p>“Ah, there you are,” Abuela said, appearing and smiling at Ramon and Helena. “Come, sit with me. I don’t get to see my son enough.”</p><p>Ramon sighed, smiling slightly. “Mamá…”</p><p>“Come on. Sit.” She ushered him and Helena to one of the tables set up.</p><p>“Abuela is my favorite,” Buck said, almost under his breath.</p><p>Eddie laughed, feeling some microscopic bit of the tension that was basically permanently residing in his whole body release. “Yeah. Mine too.”</p><p>“Hungry?” Buck asked, giving Chris a wide smile.</p><p>Chris tilted his head, thoughtful, and then nodded. “Yes.”</p><p>“Okay then, let’s get some grub.”</p><p>“Ew,” Chris laughed. “No grubs!”</p><p>“Grubs?”</p><p>“Lion King,” Buck explained. “Grubs are bugs.”</p><p>“Ew.” Eddie’s nose scrunched.</p><p>Buck laughed, shaking his head. “Like father like son here, huh?”</p><p>“What, have you eaten a grub?” Eddie asked, skeptical. He tried to keep the smile from appearing on his face, but he knew he wasn’t quite managing it. Fuck, even just a few minutes around Buck, and Eddie felt better. And that slight hint of uncertainty that had been hiding in the edges of Buck’s eyes and smiles was gone, as if he felt better around them, too.</p><p>“You don’t know, maybe I have.”</p><p>Eddie made a disbelieving face. Chris looked at him, then gave a very close replica of the look to Buck.</p><p>“Oh, wow, being ganged up on here. Marisol, help me out, I’m being picked on by these Diaz boys.”</p><p>Marisol laughed as they sat at the table she was at, Vic beside her. “Sorry, Diaz solidarity.”</p><p>“You’re not a Diaz anymore, you’re a Perez!” Buck argued. “C’mon, back me up here Vic.”</p><p>“Nah, I think you’re fine.”</p><p>Buck laughed, feigning hurt by placing a hand over his chest.</p><p>Eddie swore throughout the next forty minutes he could feel his parents’ stares burning into the back of his head. Chris was sitting in his own chair, between Buck and Eddie, eating happily enough. Buck was talking with Marisol and Vic, while Eddie mostly just tried to relax (and mostly failed, really). More and more, he felt like the other shoe was going to slam down at any moment. He was hoping that Abuela would help make sure Eddie’s parents stayed away from Buck. Maybe he could argue they needed to leave early, since Chris started school the next day.</p><p>After eating, everyone moved back inside, settling into the living room or kitchen to have dessert or just catch up and talk. Chris had clung to Buck again, who seemed more than happy to hold him. He was talking to Yareli and her mom, cooing over the baby with them. Since Chris seemed fine now and Eddie didn’t see his parents around waiting to ambush Buck, he went to go put wash their dessert plates and put them away.</p><p>“Eddie. We need to talk.”</p><p>Eddie’s heart leapt into his throat. The tone did not bode well, sounded like all the times his dad had been brought in by his mom to deliver a lecture and punishment when Eddie had failed a test or snuck out or given her too much attitude during the day. “Dad, I was just going to look for you. It’s getting pretty late, and Chris has –“</p><p>“That can wait. This cannot.”</p><p>Resigned, Eddie followed.</p><p>They stepped out onto the porch, down to the end away from the door. No one else was outside, and it was almost dark, the sun mostly set and the one porch light over near the door. His mom was standing there, arms folded tightly, frowning.</p><p>“What is this we’re hearing from your uncle about that – that <em>man</em> and you being – being in a <em>relationship</em>?”</p><p>Eddie sighed.</p><p>He could tell them that they weren’t. That it was a misunderstanding.</p><p>Eddie was so tired of hiding though. He wasn’t any less afraid of what his parents might think or say, but… he was so <em>tired</em>.</p><p>“What about it?” he asked quietly.</p><p>“Watch the attitude,” Ramon snapped, even though Eddie didn’t think he’d had much of one when responding. “Your mother asked a question. Answer her.”</p><p>“Are you having – relations with a man?” she asked, voice hushing. “Eddie. Please tell me there’s been a mistake.”</p><p>Eddie stared at them. They stared back.</p><p>“I don’t think my relationship with Buck is any of your business.”</p><p>“Eddie!” she gasped, eyes wide and upset. Her hand moved to hover up near her throat. It almost felt – fake, Eddie thought, like something out of a movie, something that couldn’t actually be happening to him.</p><p>“It is our business when you’re bringing that kind of thing around our grandson! I cannot believe you would do that.” Ramon shook his head, wrinkles deepened with disappointment.</p><p>“You’re going to confuse him,” his mom said, grabbing Eddie’s arm tight in her hand. “Eddie, if this is you lashing out at us, or – you’re just upset and confused, after Shannon….”</p><p>“No,” Eddie snapped. “This has nothing to do with-“</p><p>“It is a sin!” Ramon hissed. “Unnatural. You are <em>not</em> one of those homosexuals.”</p><p>“This is why you should come home,” Helena insisted, pleading. “So we can help you.”</p><p>“I don’t need your help! Not about being with Buck, and not with Chris.”</p><p>“You do!” She shook her head. “You’ve never been like this before. You’re suddenly claiming you are one of those people, you’re letting this man into your life in a sexual way – it’s wrong, Eddie. On top of that, you have strangers looking after Chris more than yourself, you let him lash out and get away with tantrums, you’re bringing that man around and confusing Chris…. You’re not okay, Eddie. You’re <em>hurting</em> your son, dragging him down with you just as I worried-“</p><p>“That’s enough, I think.”</p><p>Eddie swallowed when Buck set a hand low on his back, pressing against his side.</p><p>“This is not your concern.”</p><p>“I disagree.” Buck stared steadily at Ramon. “I’ve waited all week, and I’m done waiting now. I think it’s best you leave. I don’t know when your flight was supposed to be, I don’t really care. You can stay with someone else if you need to. But it’s time you leave Eddie and Chris alone.”</p><p>“You have no right-“</p><p>“Neither do you.”</p><p>“Eddie is our son,” Helena said, gathering herself. “I don’t know what you’ve done to confuse him into thinking he’s like <em>you</em>, but we’re not going to just let you hurt him. You’ve already hurt Christopher.”</p><p>Buck’s jaw clenched.</p><p>Eddie glared at his mom. “I told you, Buck <em>saved</em> Chris.”</p><p>“He lost him! You said it yourself-“</p><p>“I said they got separated!” Eddie snapped. “I trust Buck with Chris more than anyone else in my life!”</p><p>Helena sucked in a breath, eyes wide. “How dare – we are your family! He is nothing!”</p><p>“Buck is the best fucking thing to happen to me and Chris,” Eddie said, voice raising. “I’m fucking tired of listening to you and Dad talk about him like he’s not the most important person in my life after Chris! Either stop it, or leave, and don’t fucking talk to me ever again.”</p><p>“Edmundo!”</p><p>“I mean it,” Eddie said, voice tight. “If you can’t accept Buck’s place in our lives, then don’t bother.”</p><p>“It is a sin!” Helena insisted, while Ramon stepped next to her, a hand on her back and a frown on his face. “It’s wrong, and you can’t think we’re just going to stand back and let you raise Chris with this kind of-“</p><p>“You’re not Chris’ parents!” Eddie said, hands clenching. “I am! And I’m not going to teach him the same kind of shitty rhetoric you tried to teach me!” He swallowed. “I love you. I do. But I love my son more. And… I want to be <em>happy</em>. Doesn’t that matter?”</p><p>Helena shook her head, swiping a tear from under her eye. “No. No, you are <em>confused</em>, Eddie, sweetheart, if you would just come home we could <em>help</em> you-“</p><p>Eddie shook his head, throat tight. Buck’s hand moved, wrapping around his shoulders and tugging him closer. He pulled Eddie away, even as Eddie’s parents tried to call them back, said things about how Eddie was going to regret it when he realized the mistake he’d made, when he was left alone with no family to help him anymore. They tried to say something to Buck about how if he really cared about them, he’d leave, but then they were stepping through the door, into the kitchen.</p><p>Eddie saw two aunts, an uncle, and a few cousins of various ages moving around like they were busy. It didn’t matter. Eddie knew they’d been listening.</p><p>Vic had Chris on his hip, all the way in the living room, watching the kitchen tensely. Chris’ eyes were wide.</p><p>“Did you guys fight again?”</p><p>Eddie closed his eyes.</p><p>Chris had heard, the other night. He hadn’t been <em>asleep</em> – he’d heard them fighting.</p><p>That explained his behavior lately.</p><p>“It’s gonna be okay, mijo,” Eddie said, voice coming out in almost a croak. He took him from Vic, letting Chris bury his face against his shoulder and sniffle.</p><p>Buck leaned in, pressing a kiss to Chris’ head. He looked up, meeting Eddie’s eyes. “Come on,” he said softly. “You’re gonna come home with me.”</p><p>Eddie hesitated.</p><p>Buck just waited, hand rubbing a small path up and down between Eddie’s shoulders.</p><p>It hurt to swallow. Eddie was pretty sure he looked on the verge of tears, because he felt like he was. And everyone here could see it.</p><p>He nodded.</p><p>Buck smiled, maybe little sad but understanding, and then looked at Vic and gave a nod. “Thanks,” he said.</p><p>Vic nodded, jaw tense. “What’s family for?”</p><p>Buck hustled them out of the house. It felt like no one dared to quite look at them, but Eddie could already hear the hushed whispers in the kitchen. The door closed behind them and Eddie imagined the whole house was exploding with the drama, everyone sharing what they thought they’d seen or heard. It made him feel – sick, he supposed. He felt even worse than from Pepa’s party, even more some kind of sideshow drama for them to stare at in judgment.</p><p>Buck’s hand stayed on his back, steadying, reassuring. He led Eddie and Chris down half the block, where his jeep was parked. They got Chris settled in first. He was crying quietly, and Eddie’s chest hurt. It made his throat throb, made it that much harder not to give in and cry himself. His son was hurting, and Eddie was hurting, and – the past week had just been so fucking much, for both of them.</p><p>Because Eddie’s parents hadn’t just been on his case what felt like every moment. They’d been doing things for Chris that he was used to doing himself, changing Chris’ routines because they didn’t like some aspect of it. <em>And</em>, they’d talked badly about Buck, and Chris had heard at least some of it, it seemed like.</p><p>They stopped briefly at Eddie’s house. Eddie thought for a moment, maybe he’d misunderstood and Buck had meant Eddie’s house – but Buck said, “I’ll get Chris’ stuff, you get yours okay?”</p><p>“He has school,” Eddie managed to croak out as a reminder.</p><p>“I know,” Buck said, smiling gently, and headed down the hall ahead of Eddie.</p><p>He shoved a few days’ worth of clothes into his bag. Grabbed two of his uniforms. His phone charger. Whatever else he had forgotten, he’d buy or borrow – he felt more and more on edge with each minute that passed, wondering if his parents were going to walk through the door and continue the fight from Abuela’s.</p><p>Buck appeared from Chris’ room, a bag and his backpack over one shoulder. It’d been less than five minutes, Eddie thought. His parents probably weren’t about to appear yet. Buck rubbed a hand up Eddie’s back, pressing him ahead and out of the house. He locked up, while Eddie went and put his things in the jeep.</p><p>Chris was asleep by the time they got to Buck’s apartment.</p><p>Eddie grabbed his bags and Chris’, while Buck carried Chris on ahead. Eddie shut the door behind himself, stepping further into the apartment. Buck was settling Chris on the couch, brushing his hair off his forehead and murmuring softly. Chris whined, grabbing the blanket Buck settled over him and twisting to bury his face in the pillow.</p><p>Buck turned to look at Eddie.</p><p>Eddie felt stalled, frozen, like he was teetering right on the edge of a cliff and one breath of air would make him fall off and shatter.</p><p>Buck approached, gently pulling Chris’ things off of Eddie’s arms. He set them down by his table, then pulled Eddie’s bag off and grabbed Eddie’s hand.</p><p>“C’mon.”</p><p>He pulled Eddie to the stairs and up them. Eddie almost stumbled once; Buck paused while he regained his balance. He set the bag down on the end of his bed, and then just – pulled Eddie into a hug.</p><p>“You’re okay,” Buck murmured as Eddie clutched the sides of Buck’s shirt. “You’re here, and you’re safe, and I’ve got you.”</p><p>Eddie nodded, swallowing over and over against the threat of tears.</p><p>It’d been such a long week. He was so <em>tired</em>.</p><p>“Take a shower, okay? It’ll help.”</p><p>Eddie pulled back, nodding again. He dug in his bag for something to wear to bed, then stumbled into Buck’s bathroom.</p><p>The water was thankfully hot, and the water pressure in Buck’s apartment was fantastic. Eddie kind of never wanted to leave. But after fifteen or so minutes, he felt like he was in danger of falling asleep in there, so he used Buck’s soap and shampoo to quickly clean up. He dried off, yanking on an old t-shirt and clean underwear.</p><p>Buck was sitting on the bed, tapping at his phone. He glanced up when Eddie came closer, smiling.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>Eddie nodded. He did feel better, but already he felt like it was all rushing back over him.</p><p>“Okay.” Buck considered him. “You okay sharing the bed?”</p><p>Eddie swallowed. It hurt. “Why wouldn’t I be?” he managed to rasp.</p><p>Buck’s smile was almost hard to see, just barely at one corner of his mouth, and kind of sad. “Because you’ve had a hard week, and you’ve had a shitty night, and you might want some space.”</p><p>Eddie shook his head. He set his jaw, getting into Buck’s bed, and settling down with his head on a pillow. He glared at Buck, whose smile grew a bit, more amused now. Buck shook his head, muttering, “So stubborn,” quietly. He turned out the lights and slipped under the blanket with Eddie. After a moment, his hand brushed against Eddie in the dark, and Buck’s whole body soon followed. There wasn’t a lot of space between them, but Eddie was very aware that it was there.</p><p>“Listen,” Buck said quietly, his hand stroking up and down Eddie’s arm softly. “We’re gonna talk, about everything. But not until you’re ready. I’m not going anywhere, so just – take the time you need, Eddie.”</p><p>He nodded. Managed to croak, “Yeah.”</p><p>Buck hummed softly. They were quiet for a bit, but Eddie could feel Buck’s stare, so he waited instead of trying to sleep.</p><p>“Tonight, though,” he finally said, even softer than before. “I was…. I want to ask just one thing, okay? And I need you to be honest with me.”</p><p>Eddie swallowed. The air felt hushed and close, like it was wrapping around them and keeping everything else out. “What?”</p><p>Buck breathed in, deep and a bit loud. He let it out, and asked, “Can I <em>please</em> just hold you?”</p><p>Eddie felt his lip tremble, sudden and hard. His eyes burned, vision blurring at the edges, and he was grabbing onto Buck, even as he nodded. Buck pulled him in, arms wrapping around Eddie while Eddie clung back, fighting back the huge rush of everything he’d been feeling and trying to contain the last few days. He didn’t quite manage it, knew he was shaking, gasping, that some tears were breaking through despite his best efforts.</p><p>The whole time, Buck just held him tight. He didn’t talk, didn’t really make any noises, he just held Eddie, his lower face pressed against Eddie’s head. He held Eddie like he was afraid of losing him, or like he was trying to hold Eddie in one piece.</p><p>He knew he could break apart, and Buck wouldn’t judge him for it.</p><p>In his heart, he knew that. And somewhere in his head, under everything of the past several days, Eddie remembered truly believing that.</p><p>But he couldn’t – not just yet. Not so soon after having to hold himself back at every moment, watch everything he said and did because it was going to be judged and found wanting.</p><p>Later. Eddie could fall apart later.</p><p>He was pretty sure Buck would hold him together then, too.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>No new books to mention here really - though I had a few in mind for while they were at the library, such as <a href="https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/540698/the-unbudgeable-curmudgeon-by-matthew-burgess-illustrated-by-fiona-woodcock/">The Unbudgeable Curmudgeon</a> and <a href="https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062689887/everybody-says-meow/">Everybody Says Meow</a> (which I think is frankly one of the cutest new picture books to come out last year. In fact, here's a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DBxgbPkczdI">video of it being read</a><a></a>). </p><p>Not sure when the next fic will be - I've got to pin down just what I'm wanting to do with it next, though I have a few, somewhat vague ideas. I'm playing with them. I'm also increasingly busy with work as we go full speed to reopening, and I've got that month long data literacy workshop that requires my attention. So. It'll come, don't worry, I just have not an actual idea of what the time frame may be.</p><p>Thanks for reading! :)</p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
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